Young Money ft. Lloyd – ‘Bedrock’
Hey, you impressionable young men, what we have here is a masterclass in how to talk to The Ladies. Everything you need to know about getting to know a girl you like is contained within the lyrics of this song. Literally everything. OK, some of the things take a little bit of excavation and interpretation, but if something’s worth having, it’s going to take a little bit of work, right sport?
NOTE: I am not an expert in these matters either. But with Young Money’s foolproof system, I now feel empowered to take their message to all of the romantically hopeless fellas of the world. And girls, if it means you won’t have to put up with idiotic ridiculousness on a night out, aren’t we all winners?
Alllrighty then…
(Here’s the video. It takes place in the imagination of Jay from Inbetweeners)
So, the first and most important thing is to be confident. You don’t have to be an all-singing, all-dancing show-off, but if you blush and giggle and snort if a girl so much as looks your way, you’re not getting the real you across. Here’s where humour comes in REALLY handy.
As far as claims to romantic excellence go, “call me Mr Flintstone, I can make your bed rock” might seem like one to file under ‘Laughing Her Into My Arms’, rather than ‘Sure-fire Never-Fail Devastating Pick-Ups For The Hot Mamas’, but it’s all in the delivery. Say it like you’re hanging on to a magic amulet that will transport you to a world you’ve never been to before, and you’ll come across badly. Say it like you know it’s cheesy but it’s cute, and you don’t really mean it, or do you? Or do you? And who knows what response you’ll get?*
Mind you, “I’m that Red Bull, let’s fly away” is perhaps closer to being creepy.
Next up, do not get over-confident and mess up. Once you’ve finished a list of extravagant compliments, one that starts with “gorgeous” and then thinks twice and replaces it with “flawless”, it’s probably not a good idea to say anything like “I ain’t even mad”.
Do NOT introduce the idea that it is even remotely possible that your judgement in these matters has been impaired by a mental illness. As I say, I’m not expert in these matters but what I do know is that hot girls are just like all human beings, they like compliments, but they remember things which could be perceived as insults FAR more. It doesn’t even matter that you said you’re NOT mad. You’ve created a world of possibilities in which you being mad could exist. That’s worrying.
Of course, if you’re with a gang of friends all in a room – let’s imagine it’s a club, shall we? – and you’re all feeling a bit frisky, and you’re talking to some girls, and you’re worried that your pulling technique is a little off, do not fear. So long as the one of you which is capable of saying “I knock her lights out, she still shines” is not actually you, you’ll be fine.
I mean to say, who says something like that? OK, it’s Lil Wayne, and he’s…well he’s Lil Wayne, isn’t he? Superstar rapper, ink-magnet, lizardy of voice, he can get away with stuff. Although I hope SOMEONE has pulled him up on that line. Domestic violence charities, a beloved female family member…anyone really. It’s horrible.
So there we have it. DO make her laugh, DO be confident, DON’T say whether you are mad or not and NEVER EVER say that you’ll knock her out. Simple, really. Happy dating!
Download: Out now
www.weareyoungmoney.com
BBC Music page
(Fraser McAlpine)
* I do. Enjoy her drink running down your face.
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